I spend a
lot of time thinking about the good and the bad that have come from the
internet, especially in the world of parenting. When I was pregnant, I joined
message boards that allowed me to ask my questions freely, and go through the
process with people I have never even met, some of whom now are real life
friends of mine. When I had a question about what to feed Molly in her baby
days, or what constituted a serious fever, or how to remove a tick from her scalp,
I could quickly pop online and get the answer. The internet is an amazing
resource for healthy food, healthy choices, creative activities, and advice. I’ve
learned things I probably would not have been aware of before, like what the “dirty
dozen” is, the dangers of incorrect use of a car seat, and the amazing
invention of absorbable toddler underwear. It is also full of judgment,
perfection, and never ending advice on how to be the perfect parent, and run
the perfect home, and make the most perfect decisions. I’ve learned how to be a
better parent, but have become overwhelmed by the feeling that I need to be a
perfect parent.
You know what I say? Perfect is crap.
Not only is perfect completely unattainable, it is
unhealthy. I do not want to be a perfect parent.
I want my daughter to see me fail. Because when I fail, I
learn from my mistakes, and she will learn how to do the same. Because SHE will
fail and she will have to bounce back from her own failures.
I want my daughter to see me get frustrated. Because it is
ok to get frustrated. Because if you do not get frustrated, you hold it inside.
Because when you hold it inside, you become a dark, unhappy person all the time
instead of just those moments when you are feeling frustrated. Because she
needs to learn how to deal with frustration, move on, and live her happy life.
I want my daughter to learn about balance. To be healthy – to
eat fruits and vegetables…and also to eat chocolate. Please, eat chocolate. To
be frugal – to save money, to have a savings account, to not live beyond her
means…but treat to treat herself from time to time. To work hard – to not be
lazy, to put effort into everything she do…but take time to relax, sit on the
beach, in the backyard, or on the couch in front of a pointless television
show.
I want my daughter to see me taking time for myself. If that’s
a few minutes spent on my phone, that’s ok. If that’s a few minutes spent
behind a closed door in the bathroom, that’s ok. If that’s a half hour out on a
run, that’s ok. If that’s a weekend away with the girls, that’s ok.
Independence is important. Independence is crucial. Seeing me, taking time for
me, teaches her the importance of taking time for herself.
I want my daughter to know that perfect is not perfect.
Perfect is not real. Life is amazing, and it comes with challenges and
struggles. How you manage the challenges is truly what defines who you are as a
person.
Parenthood itself, is a challenge. Please, do not hold
yourself to the standard of perfection the world wide web seems to think you
need to be at. Just be normal. Just be human. Just teach your children to see
the good from the bad, and know that just by being YOU, you are perfect in
their eyes, even when you don’t feel that way.
