But I Don't Wanna Be a Frump!

We've all seen them. Those generic Facebook posts that are constantly circling around. "Post this for 10 minutes if you think there should be a cure for cancer." "Re-post if you love your husband." Man, don't I feel like a jerk when I ignore them. For the record, I DO think there should be a cure for cancer, and I really DO love my husband. I don't think a Facebook status update is required for this to be known.

A few times, I've seen one circling around for moms. It goes something like "if you've traded your mascara in for burp cloths, and your heels for pacifier clips..you are a real mom."

Um, what?! That's crap. You might as well say to a pregnant lady, "Congratulations! You are about to enter a phase of your life where you will enjoy bedhead and frump every day for the next 18 years."  I don't think so. So, I came up with my own status update.

You can be an awesome and real mom when you:

1. Have girls nights. Because you really appreciate them.
2. Wear heels to the grocery store. Because they make you feel pretty.
3. Put mascara on every day. Because you know that the 30 seconds it takes to put it on does not impact you child's ability to read or become the President.
4. Watch television. And by television I mean shows like Grey's Anataomy, House, Law and Order, and Glee. Not just Sesame Street, Yo Gabba Gabba, and Dora the Explorer.
5. Go on dates with your significant other.
6. Drink wine. Because if moms had to give up wine we'd never make it.
7. Carry a designer handbag.
8. Get manicures and pedicures.
9. Have a career.
10. Study, craft, play music, create, or do whatever it is that you did before you had kids that made you who you are.

Frump is so out, moms. Show your kids it's ok to be who you are and who you want to be in any phase of your life.

The Things Husbands (Don't) Do

My little munchkin is home sick this week. She has her second round of Hand, Foot, and Mouth (evidently this is something that is quite common among kids these days), and can't go to school all week. So I spent yesterday at home with her, and will again today, with grandparents coming to assist the rest of the week.

Last night, as we were getting ready for dinner, my husband picked some old food out of her high chair. I apologized for not getting it earlier, and he said "don't apologize, I totally get it, I've been home alone with her before too and I know what it's like."

Following this comment, I looked around. The house was (almost) spotless. Dinner was made. The baby was cheerful. The dog was passed out. Let's just say, this is vastly different from what I come home to when Dad has been home alone with Molly all day.

I'm not writing this post to complain about my husband. He's a fantastic dad. He helps out as much as he can, and as much as he knows how to. But I often have to remind myself that his brain does not work the same way that mine does. I can simultaneously be feeding the baby, cleaning the kitchen, making dinner, and feeding the dog. My husband can focus on one of those things at a time. It does not make him a bad husband, dad, or housekeeper, it just makes him different.

I know all of my mom readers have gone through this. How many times have you said "Why can't he just help out?" "How does he not SEE the pile of toys in the middle of the floor that he just walked over?"

Give your husband a break. I guarantee he is not out to screw you over, make your life more difficult, or be a lazy bum. I have to remind myself of this a lot. Instead, when I come home to a crazy house when Dad's been home all day, I look at my daughter who spent hours playing with Dad, and sometimes, I actually get a little jealous. Can you imagine being able to just focus on ONE thing? Can you imagine not seeing the dishes, or the dirty windows, or hearing the washing machine beep? I think Dads actually have it pretty great.

Today, try to ignore everything else. Focus on your kid. Forget the dishes. Forget the laundry. Just have some fun. Be Dad for a day..I think you'll like it.

Why I Love Concerts - {Lady Antebellum}

Last year, my brother Robbie and his friend Alex decided to start a company. They had both been involved in the club scene in Orono, Maine and when they moved on, they put their heads together, and came up with Waterfront Concerts in Bangor. Since last summer they have brought huge acts to the city including BB King, Lynryd Skynyrd, Tim McGraw, and this past weekend, Lady Antebellum. Being the very fortunate sister of one of the owners of the company, I got the hook up as my Christmas present and found myself and Jim in the very front row for one of my very favorite bands.

I'm a weird person when it comes to concerts. Most people go, oogle the famous people on stage, sing along, have a good time, and move on. While I do all of that, I always find myself thinking a lot about the true person behind the personality on stage. I think it was watching the movie "Selena" when I was a teacher that did this to me, and then shows like American Idol, which show every day normal people who are burst into super-stardom. It boggles my mind that the person on stage was at one point, just as normal as you and me.

So, maybe this is why, almost a full week after the show, I still think about it. I wonder what the people who were literally three feet away from me that night are doing right now - are they just sitting around shooting the shit? Is Hillary Scott just hanging out in her sweats watching Grey's and hoping that someday she'll meet McDreamy? It's crazy to me that their "normal" could very well be just like my normal. Tomorrow they'll wake up and get ready to work, only they'll face thousands of people in their workday whereas I may just see two or three.

Next time you go to a show, take a second, and think about who really is up there. When they belt out a long note, raise their arms, and then take an extra long look at what is in front of them, imagine being in their shoes. I bet that no matter how long they've been doing this, it still blows their mind that they've made it there every time they are on the stage.

I first fell in love with Lady Antebellum when I saw them open for Kenny Chesney two years ago at Mohegan Sun in Connecticut. I'd heard of them before but they were so amazing live that they became a fast favorite after that show.  Their music speaks to me, and many of them even bring tears to my eyes. I was so excited when I heard they were coming to Bangor.

Here are a few pictures and videos from the night (professional photographer disclaimer: this is with my point-and-shoot, not my nice camera). And yes, Charles Kelly is just as gorgeous as he looks on his album cover. And yes, he looked me in the eye. Twice. Really, I swear, I'd remember :)


I take no responsibility for my husband's hat. He came to a country concert with me, so he felt it only appropriate to buy a hat at a gas station beforehand.

Here's Robbie, looking all busy and important. :) Thanks for the tickets bro!

I hope they come back to Maine soon! Thanks for a great concert Lady A and Waterfront Concerts!

Breaking the Rules - Survival Mode

Before you become a parent, you have a long list of things you'll never do to YOUR kid. You'll never pick them up just because they want you to, or let them watch tv, or give them something they want just because they are whining for it.

Let me tell you, you're in for a wake up call.

About three seconds into parenthood you realize you're a big sucker. Those big eyes, those little lips. You already know you'll do anything just to make them happy. But you tell yourself, you'll stick to your standards, because it's what's best for this little miracle in your arms.

But the reality of parenthood sets in quickly and although it drove me bonkers to hear it when I was pregnant, there really was so much I didn't know until Molly was actually here. And while I still have standards, a parenting style, and parenting beliefs about what will be best for my daughter, I'm learning that nothing is set in stone, and you are literally learning and changing your opinions every single step of the way.

Before we had Molly, my husband and I adamently agreed: No baby in the bed. It would not happen. I'd heard too many stories of couples who had grown apart because they had a kid in their bed many nights. At first we did well. Molly slept in her pack and play and eventually her crib. But then we hit the growth spurts, and we went into what I call "survival mode." When your child has been up literally screaming her head off from 6pm the previous evening until 5:00 the next morning, and the only way she will calm down is when you lay her down between you and your husband in your bed, you do it. You do it because you love your child and don't want her to cry any more, but you also do it because you love your sanity. You're in survival mode.

Sleeping in the bed isn't the only rule I've broken in order to survive parenthood. I swore up and down I would never EVER place my child in front of the tv in order to get some things done. But one day, she was crying, ohhh was she crying, and my husband was running last minute errands, and I had to pack us all up to go away on a trip in just a few hours. So I bit my lip, felt guiltyguiltyguilty, and put Molly in her exersaucer with "Yo Gabba Gabba" on the television. She stopped crying. She started laughing. I packed up three people and a dog for a lengthy trip, and loaded the car in 25 minutes. Survival mode.

Last week Molly discovered the art of a temper tantrum. It was cute at first. She'd sit down, throw her arms and forward on the floor like a hopeless mess, and get over it in about 30 seconds. Tonight, she was in rare form. She needed to eat dinner, I needed to unload groceries, and her face was the color of the very ripe plum in our fridge. So I did what no well-respecting non-mom would do: I whipped out my phone, activated my YouTube app, turned on the beloved Yo Gabba Gabba, and watched my child stare at a screen while she silently ate her cucumbers and spaghetti and I put the groceries away, fed the dog, and made our dinner. It was indeed, survival mode.

So the next time you are at the mall, and you see a mom cave in to her screaming toddler with a treat, or your co-worker or good friend tells you about how their little one watched "Tangled" twice in a row that afternoon, don't judge them. Give them a break. I guarantee they are great parents, who have just found themselves in a moment of truth and chose pick their battles just to survive.

Katelyn's Bachelorette Weekend: Part I

A few weeks ago I traveled to Geneva, New York for my good friend Katelyn's bachelorette party. I still have yet to go through the pictures I took of our 8-vineyard wine tour (yup, you read that correctly), but I did take a quick break from the wedding editing to go through some of the shots I took on our first night there.

If you've never been to the Finger Lakes region of New York, hop in your car, and make the drive. It was completely worth the 9 hour drive (yup, you read that correctly too), for both the scenery and the company.

We spent the first night of the weekend at the Ramada in Geneva. I rode most of the way with my friend Kristen, and to be honest, we weren't expecting much from the Ramada (we both travel a lot for work and have developed a bit of a snotty side when it comes to hotel preference. Not that I need the Ritz, but I don't tend to slum it in my Hampton Inns either).

When we pulled up to the hotel we were greeted with a huge building right on Seneca Lake. A tent was set up out back, probably from a wedding that had happened earlier in the day, live music was playing on the patio, and people were dancing, drinking, and having a blast.

The true beauty of the evening though was the sunset. I don't know the last time I saw one so pretty. The sky reflecting off of the lake made for a gorgeous blue and purple tones in both the water and the sky. It was so hard to put my camera down at all while we walked the pathways behind the hotel. I only hoped I was able to capture the beauty of what was in front of us.

I still have a long way to go when it comes to scenic photography. I'm no Ansel Adams, but I love to take scenic shots. Having a photographer's eye is such a cool way to live..I really think I appreciate what I see around me so much more than I used to.

Anyway, here are some of the photos I took that evening. I'll have many more to share when I can get another little break from the wedding photos to go through the rest. And as always, if you are interested in purchasing any of my photos you can email me directly at kristina@kristinaobrien.com.

 

You Are Not a Bad Mom

If you are a mom, my hope is that this post will make you nod your head, smile, and laugh a bit. If you're a mom-to-be, my hope is that you will read this, file it away, and refer to it a few months from now. If you're not a mom, and never plan to be one, file this in your "new parents are nuts" folder and move on.

Mom guilt. It's a phrase I'd heard many times before I had a baby, but I never really understood it until I became a mom (one of the many, many things in this category). It pretty much comes with anything you do for yourself. It's starting to get better at 10.5 months postpartum, but I don't think it ever truly goes away, as becoming a parent instantly means that your life is no longer about you.

I've been thinking of the things that activate my mom guilt, and I thought it might be good to put together a list, not to remind myself of all the things I shouldn't be doing, but rather to remind myself that it is ok to do the things I need to do. We've all heard it a million times - you are a better mom if you take care of yourself. (I personally repeat this mantra in my head as I enjoy a well-deserved glass of pinot grigio after Molly goes to bed. That and "Wine makes it all better." Chant it with me - "I'm a better mom with wine." Wait...)

At any rate, here is my list. Feel free to add along. Heck, feel free to print it out, put it on your fridge, your bedroom mirror, your car dashboard, or your office desk. Whatever you do, remember that it is ok to be who you've always been and be a mom.

I AM NOT A BAD MOM WHEN I...

• go to the bathroom, and sit for more than 30 seconds.
• take a shower, and enjoy the peace and quiet.
• go to work and make money for my family.
• send my child to daycare.
• order take-out instead of cooking.
• sleep in and let someone else get up with the baby.
• enjoy a date night.
• enjoy a girls night...or weekend.
• make the decision to stop breastfeeding.
• take a nap.
• don't cry when I leave my baby's side.
• give my child some alone time.
• follow my head instead of my heart when it comes to important decisions.
• follow my heart instead of my head when it comes to important decisions.
• put a screaming baby down and take a minute to re-focus.
• sit and watch tv, read a book, craft, or zone out instead of cleaning the house while the baby naps.
• continue to do and appreciate the things that made me who I am before I had children.
• just need a break.

I know there are a zillion more things I could add to this list, but I'm feeling guilty for sitting for so long. Just kidding! (Kind of).  So I ask my mom readers - what would you add?

What's for Dinner? Mini Meatball Sandwiches

Sidenote: (Can you do a sidenote before you even get started?) I didn't take the picture. Because when you are a photographer, people expect you to take nice pictures, and attempting to take out my nice camera, attach my best lens, find the perfect light, take a few shots, and edit the best ones to get one little picture for this one little blog post was just too much to think about on a night where I'm also making dinner for and on solo-parent duty of a 10 month old. So there.

Photo Credit: Ree Drummond

And, we begin.

These. Are. Awesome. Husband approved, and seriously 10-month old baby approved. They're easy to make, filling, and if you do them right, they're pretty healthy too. Of course, they are from my superhuman internet mentor Ree Drummond, aka The Pioneer Woman. She uses ground beef, I use turkey, either way, these are a really yummy and fun dinner.

Mini Meatball Sandwiches

Ingredients

• 1 lb ground turkey or beef
• 1/2 cup bread crumbs
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 1/2 tsp salt
• Ground pepper to taste
• 1/2 cup milk
• 2 tbsp olive oil
• 1/2 of 1 whole medium onion, diced
• 1 large jar marinara or spaghetti sauce
• 12 dinner rolls
• 4 slices provolone cheese, cut into wedges

Directions

• In a large mixing bowl, mix together meat, bread crumbs, garlic, salt, pepper, and milk. Knead with your hands. Roll together into heaping tablespoon sized rolls.
• Heat olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Add onions and saute for one minute.
• Add meatballs between the onions and brown both sides.
• Add the jar of marinara or spaghetti sauce and shake the pan gently to mix in.
• Cover, and simmer for 20 minutes.
• Cut dinner rolls in half and put one wedge of provolone the top and bottom of each roll. Add a meatball to the bottom bun and add the top of the roll.
• Serve immediately, and return for seconds.

Um, YUM!

Source: http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2010/07/16-minute-meal-3-mini-meatball-sandwiches/