We've all done it. You're in your car, your phone makes a beep, or a ring, or a buzz. You pick it up.You may look at it for a second, just to know what caused the noise, or you may sit and read an entire email. If you've never done this, you either 1. probably don't have a smartphone, 2. are in the minority, or 3. are lying to yourself.
The stories, pictures, and videos of accidents caused by "texting" and driving are horrendous. I place texting in quotations because it's not just the action of sending a text message to a friend. People drive and watch YouTube, catch up on Facebook, read and write emails, or even play games.
I am the first to admit, that I have "texted" and drove. And I have done it a lot. Since Molly arrived, I have tried very hard to ignore the phone while she is in the car, as if only doing it when it's just me in the vehicle makes it ok. As if Molly losing her mom in an accident due to my stupidity and selfishness is ok. As if losing the life of a child, or someone else's mom, dad, grandparent, aunt or uncle is ok because I chose to read an email while behind the wheel.
Judge me all you want, but think, REALLY think about how many times you've even just taken a peek at your phone while behind the wheel in the past month. If you can say zero, you're pretty impressive, but I bet most of you cannot.
Last week I decided to put an end to it. I gave myself a challenge. I needed to go one full week without using my phone in the car. I did allow myself to answer phone calls, (yes, I know there is danger in talking and driving as well), but I was not allowed to check email, voicemail, Facebook, texts, etc.. I purposely left the volume on, as I needed to truly learn how to ignore this thing that consumes my life in so many ways.
The first day was the hardest. Immediately after pulling out of the parking lot at work, I received a text message. I reminded myself that I couldn't look at it. My mind started racing. What could it be? Who was it from? The curiosity was killing me. I actually contemplated pulling into a parking lot just to check, or breaking the rules just this once at the next stoplight to see who could need me. And that's when I realized something scary. These phones..they are an addiction. They are life-consuming. It's like being an alcoholic. You do everything you can to justify that one drink..that one text message. It's pathetic. It's dangerous. It's wrong.
Wanna know what happened over the past week while I ignored my phone in the car? NOTHING. Absolutely nothing. Nobody died. Nobody reamed me out for not responding to their message immediately. Nobody asked if I had dropped my phone in the river. Nobody cared.
By the end of the week, I still twitched ever so slightly when the phone buzzed and I still had to remind myself that I couldn't pick it up just to check and see who got in touch with me. But my eyes stayed on the road, and I got home knowing it wasn't just sheer luck that caused me to arrive in my driveway without harm to myself, my family, or someone else. Even while at home, I noticed a difference. By the end of the week, I was no longer jumping up out of a play session with my daughter to check my email or respond to a text. My phone spent more time on the counter than it ever has.
Put your phone down. Tune back into your life. Keep your eyes on the road. What would you do, what would you think if someone crashed into you, hurt you, or hurt your family, just because they needed to respond with a smiley face to text message, or couldn't go two more seconds without knowing that some guy they haven't seen in 15 years just watched his kid use the potty for the first time. It's not worth it.
Put your phone down. Put your phone down. Put your phone down. It's really just that simple.
Have a safe and happy holiday weekend.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Learning to Discipline
I remember when Molly was a newborn. People would always tell me "don't worry, it'll get easier." Today I'm looking at those people like they are freaking crazy. Sorry new moms, I hate to break it to you, but it does NOT get easier. Does it get more fun? YES! But easier? No way. Yes, you have a lot of sleepless nights with newborns, and the dreaded "witching hour" every evening. But then they become mobile. At first it's just a roll-over and you need to make sure they aren't on anything high or near something dangerous. Then it's the crawl, and you need to keep your not-so-babyproofed-because-this-snuck-up-on-us house in order and your eyes on them all the time. Then the walking starts and they no longer want to sit or be held in public because, hey mom! I can walk! When they are newborns, man it is EASY. I watched more Grey's Anatomy than I care to admit. Now I've lost 20lbs, run around all day, and hope my kid doesn't stick her finger in a light socket, because I'm sure that like, next week, she'll be tall enough to do it.
My battle right now is with discipline. From day one, I have been very blessed to have a happy child, and she still is one. But she's starting to push it. With her grandparents and at school, she's an angel. Dad gets a bit of attitude, but mom, mom's the clear winner. I get hit. I get my hair pulled. I get my sweet lovable laughing child turned she-devil as she thrashes in my arms and her high chair. Where, I ask you, WHERE did this child come from?
It's not all the time, but often enough that I'm starting to realize a hard, cold fact - my kid is becoming a bit spoiled. Whine a little - do you want a snack? Cry really hard - oh I'll hold you and we'll sing. She's on to me.
Fundamentally, I get discipline. I was a high school teacher and you can't be a high school teacher without understanding the very fine balance between friendship and authoritarianism. I know when it is obvious she's just wailing for attention that I need to ignore her and she will stop. But it is HARD. Today, while she played me a fool while laying her head on my shoulder and patting my back just so I wouldn't put her in the exersaucer, I stood there bawling my eyes out because I am so scared of disappointing her or making her hate me. And yes, I know, this is how kids become spoiled and parents become walked on like a New York City sidewalk.
I try to remind myself that it actually is a good thing when she acts out. She has feelings. She has emotions. She's smart enough to know what's going to force a response for me. She's developing which is exactly what we want her to do. But doing what I need to do is so very hard for me.
So, fellow moms, what tips do you have? Not tips on how to handle the discipline with your child, but how to handle YOURSElF when disciplining. Do you walk into the other room and cry like I do? Do you stare into their eyes as they look at you with hatred and sing your favorite song about the Caribbean and think of margaritas? How do you handle yourself when you know you have to do what's best for your child and hardest for you?
And please, don't tell me it'll get easier. :)
My battle right now is with discipline. From day one, I have been very blessed to have a happy child, and she still is one. But she's starting to push it. With her grandparents and at school, she's an angel. Dad gets a bit of attitude, but mom, mom's the clear winner. I get hit. I get my hair pulled. I get my sweet lovable laughing child turned she-devil as she thrashes in my arms and her high chair. Where, I ask you, WHERE did this child come from?
It's not all the time, but often enough that I'm starting to realize a hard, cold fact - my kid is becoming a bit spoiled. Whine a little - do you want a snack? Cry really hard - oh I'll hold you and we'll sing. She's on to me.
Fundamentally, I get discipline. I was a high school teacher and you can't be a high school teacher without understanding the very fine balance between friendship and authoritarianism. I know when it is obvious she's just wailing for attention that I need to ignore her and she will stop. But it is HARD. Today, while she played me a fool while laying her head on my shoulder and patting my back just so I wouldn't put her in the exersaucer, I stood there bawling my eyes out because I am so scared of disappointing her or making her hate me. And yes, I know, this is how kids become spoiled and parents become walked on like a New York City sidewalk.
I try to remind myself that it actually is a good thing when she acts out. She has feelings. She has emotions. She's smart enough to know what's going to force a response for me. She's developing which is exactly what we want her to do. But doing what I need to do is so very hard for me.
So, fellow moms, what tips do you have? Not tips on how to handle the discipline with your child, but how to handle YOURSElF when disciplining. Do you walk into the other room and cry like I do? Do you stare into their eyes as they look at you with hatred and sing your favorite song about the Caribbean and think of margaritas? How do you handle yourself when you know you have to do what's best for your child and hardest for you?
And please, don't tell me it'll get easier. :)
Friday, November 18, 2011
A LOVEly Christmas Treasury
A few months back I said I wanted to share my Etsy treasuries, because 1. I love them, and 2. they can have some really great gifts on them! I haven't had any that I am particularly excited about, but today I put together a Christmas one and it just has me in the holiday spirit already, so I thought I'd share.
I don't care if it's not quite Thanksgiving yet..I'm in the Christmas spirit..are you?
I don't care if it's not quite Thanksgiving yet..I'm in the Christmas spirit..are you?
Monday, November 14, 2011
Being Molly's Mom - Her Fall Photoshoot!
They say that when you become a parent, time suddenly moves at warp speed. I'm starting to understand the truth behind this statement. It feels like yesterday when we were at the hospital holding our brand new baby girl. She was so tiny, and perfect, and I will never, ever forget the feeling of having her sleep on my chest those first few nights, or watching my husband be so very comfortable having her in his arms.
A few weeks ago I decided to take Molly out for a little photo shoot..just she and I. I knew it would be my last chance before the snow hit to get her in her adorable fall outfits, so we headed up to the park one chilly afternoon. She was a bit on the serious side, but I was thrilled at how well she did without anyone there to help me rein her in, and it also hit me how quickly the time has flown. My brand new baby girl now walks, talks, plays, laughs, and gives loves. Just when you think your heart can't get any more full, you have a child, and you watch your child grow, and your heart just grows and grows with it. There is nothing in the world like parenthood.
Here's my Molly last fall, on the same weekend, in her monkey Halloween costume:
And here she is, one year later...dare I say, all grown up and ready to conquer the world.
There is nothing better in the world than being a mom.
See more photos from our shoot on my photography blog.
A few weeks ago I decided to take Molly out for a little photo shoot..just she and I. I knew it would be my last chance before the snow hit to get her in her adorable fall outfits, so we headed up to the park one chilly afternoon. She was a bit on the serious side, but I was thrilled at how well she did without anyone there to help me rein her in, and it also hit me how quickly the time has flown. My brand new baby girl now walks, talks, plays, laughs, and gives loves. Just when you think your heart can't get any more full, you have a child, and you watch your child grow, and your heart just grows and grows with it. There is nothing in the world like parenthood.
Here's my Molly last fall, on the same weekend, in her monkey Halloween costume:
And here she is, one year later...dare I say, all grown up and ready to conquer the world.
There is nothing better in the world than being a mom.
See more photos from our shoot on my photography blog.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Thankful November
If you spend any time on Facebook at all, you'll see the daily posts this month from your friends, telling you what they are thankful for this November as we approach the Thanksgiving holiday. While I would love to participate in this daily reminder of everything I love, let's be honest, I can barely remember to wear my shoes out of the house instead of my slippers. Life is a bit nuts. So, I'm going to devote one single post to my 30 things that I am giving thanks for this year. If you really feel this should be done on a daily basis, feel free to come back every day and read this post. Otherwise, read it once, smile and laugh, and take a second to think about all you have to be thankful for this year.
1. My smart, beautiful, and awe-inspiring daughter, Molly.
2. My incredible and handsome husband, James.
3. My house, which is small and messy, but is home.
4. My photography business. The fact that it exists blows my mind every.single.day.
5. My amazing clients and fans of my photography. I could go on and on and on about all the reasons they are amazing. But, simply put, my business would not exist without them.
6. My blog readers (that's YOU!). Because you let me spout off, you don't give me crap for only posting once and awhile, and I really think you get me. And that's tough to do.
7. My family, extended family, and friends. There are so many new babies, and new adventures going on. I love hearing about everyone's lives and seeing their pictures.
8. My parents and my in-laws, who have saved our butts on numerous occasions over the past year as we dealt with travel, sickness, class, weddings, and life. We both would have been fired by now if it weren't for them!
9. Wine. But I think you knew that was coming.
10. My co-workers in the Admission office. Every day, literally every day, I remember how lucky I am to work with such an amazing group of people. We have our challenges but we are one hell of a team.
11. Coupons. Because I'm cheap, and they make me less poor.
12. My Massholes. You know who you are. You guys make me sane most days.
13. Facebook. I know that's weird. But I think we take for granted what Facebook gives to us...the ability to connect and re-connect with so many people. Plus it makes us feel ridiculously loved on our birthdays or when we have babies.
14. The fact that Molly sleeps through the night. And pretty much everything else that she does. But the sleeping is really freaking high on the list.
15. WPOR 101.9 Because they gave me Kenny Chesney tickets. And because, even though I couldn't go, the look on my husband's face when I told him the reason I was screaming like a 13 year old girl at a Justin Bieber concert was because I won Kenny tickets was seriously priceless.
16. Our daycare. Sending Molly to daycare was hands down the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. But they are incredible and loving, and she loves the crap out of them. We are so, so lucky to have found them. Now if we could only convince them to keep her after age 2...
17. Flannel sheets. Is there really anything better than the first night you have flannels on your bed each fall?
18. Hampton Inns. The beds, the coffee, the breakfast. If I have to be away from home, I love being at a Hampton!
19. Maine. Yes, Maine. If there is one thing I've learned while being a wedding photographer, it's that we live in one gorgeous state. The ocean, the lakes, the trees, the ponds, the mountains. Man, I'm lucky to live here.
20. Lady Antebellum. I know I talk about them a lot lately. But over this past year, their music has really struck a chord with me (get it? Hahaha). Seriously. Their lyrics about parenthood, marriage, growing up, and life in general just fit my life right now, and when I'm stressed or upset, listening to them gives me hope and makes me smile.
21. Real Maine Weddings. Because they were the first in the wedding business to in some way, publicly recognize me as a wedding professional. The first time I saw one of my pictures on their website I literally cried, and I feel so lucky to have been featured with them a few more times since. They gave me a lot of confidence to keep going and they don't even know it!
22. Amazon. Actually, Amazon Prime. Free two day shipping is awesome. Especially when it's two days before a wedding or bridal shower and you haven't made it to the store and have absolutely no time to do so. Live savers.
23. Green Mountain Blueberry Coffee. Game changer. Add french vanilla creamer and you are floating on air.
24. Grey's Anatomy. How did it seriously take me 7 years to find this show??!! LOVE it!
25. (Man, this is getting hard....) Pioneer Woman. Her posts make me laugh, and her contests make me feisty. One day I will win, really, every one of her 456,000 entries has a chance!
26. My red peacoat. Laugh if you will, but after years of wanting one, I finally treated myself last winter and I'm dying to put it on this year!
27. Pre-pregnancy jeans. Oh what a feeling...
28. Yo Gabba Gabba. Because it saves my sanity several times a week.
29. Banana Republic sales which have kindly re-stocked my post-baby wardrobe.
30. Anything else I may have missed! This is not a cop-out. As a businesswoman I feel that I need to cover all my bases. So if I missed you...consider yourself thanked. :)
Have a great Thanksgiving everyone!
This year I give thanks for, in no particular order
(aside from 1 and 2 which really are a tie):
1. My smart, beautiful, and awe-inspiring daughter, Molly.
2. My incredible and handsome husband, James.
3. My house, which is small and messy, but is home.
4. My photography business. The fact that it exists blows my mind every.single.day.
5. My amazing clients and fans of my photography. I could go on and on and on about all the reasons they are amazing. But, simply put, my business would not exist without them.
6. My blog readers (that's YOU!). Because you let me spout off, you don't give me crap for only posting once and awhile, and I really think you get me. And that's tough to do.
7. My family, extended family, and friends. There are so many new babies, and new adventures going on. I love hearing about everyone's lives and seeing their pictures.
8. My parents and my in-laws, who have saved our butts on numerous occasions over the past year as we dealt with travel, sickness, class, weddings, and life. We both would have been fired by now if it weren't for them!
9. Wine. But I think you knew that was coming.
10. My co-workers in the Admission office. Every day, literally every day, I remember how lucky I am to work with such an amazing group of people. We have our challenges but we are one hell of a team.
11. Coupons. Because I'm cheap, and they make me less poor.
12. My Massholes. You know who you are. You guys make me sane most days.
13. Facebook. I know that's weird. But I think we take for granted what Facebook gives to us...the ability to connect and re-connect with so many people. Plus it makes us feel ridiculously loved on our birthdays or when we have babies.
14. The fact that Molly sleeps through the night. And pretty much everything else that she does. But the sleeping is really freaking high on the list.
15. WPOR 101.9 Because they gave me Kenny Chesney tickets. And because, even though I couldn't go, the look on my husband's face when I told him the reason I was screaming like a 13 year old girl at a Justin Bieber concert was because I won Kenny tickets was seriously priceless.
16. Our daycare. Sending Molly to daycare was hands down the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. But they are incredible and loving, and she loves the crap out of them. We are so, so lucky to have found them. Now if we could only convince them to keep her after age 2...
17. Flannel sheets. Is there really anything better than the first night you have flannels on your bed each fall?
18. Hampton Inns. The beds, the coffee, the breakfast. If I have to be away from home, I love being at a Hampton!
19. Maine. Yes, Maine. If there is one thing I've learned while being a wedding photographer, it's that we live in one gorgeous state. The ocean, the lakes, the trees, the ponds, the mountains. Man, I'm lucky to live here.
20. Lady Antebellum. I know I talk about them a lot lately. But over this past year, their music has really struck a chord with me (get it? Hahaha). Seriously. Their lyrics about parenthood, marriage, growing up, and life in general just fit my life right now, and when I'm stressed or upset, listening to them gives me hope and makes me smile.
21. Real Maine Weddings. Because they were the first in the wedding business to in some way, publicly recognize me as a wedding professional. The first time I saw one of my pictures on their website I literally cried, and I feel so lucky to have been featured with them a few more times since. They gave me a lot of confidence to keep going and they don't even know it!
22. Amazon. Actually, Amazon Prime. Free two day shipping is awesome. Especially when it's two days before a wedding or bridal shower and you haven't made it to the store and have absolutely no time to do so. Live savers.
23. Green Mountain Blueberry Coffee. Game changer. Add french vanilla creamer and you are floating on air.
24. Grey's Anatomy. How did it seriously take me 7 years to find this show??!! LOVE it!
25. (Man, this is getting hard....) Pioneer Woman. Her posts make me laugh, and her contests make me feisty. One day I will win, really, every one of her 456,000 entries has a chance!
26. My red peacoat. Laugh if you will, but after years of wanting one, I finally treated myself last winter and I'm dying to put it on this year!
27. Pre-pregnancy jeans. Oh what a feeling...
28. Yo Gabba Gabba. Because it saves my sanity several times a week.
29. Banana Republic sales which have kindly re-stocked my post-baby wardrobe.
30. Anything else I may have missed! This is not a cop-out. As a businesswoman I feel that I need to cover all my bases. So if I missed you...consider yourself thanked. :)
Have a great Thanksgiving everyone!
Saturday, October 8, 2011
But I Don't Wanna Be a Frump!
We've all seen them. Those generic Facebook posts that are constantly circling around. "Post this for 10 minutes if you think there should be a cure for cancer." "Re-post if you love your husband." Man, don't I feel like a jerk when I ignore them. For the record, I DO think there should be a cure for cancer, and I really DO love my husband. I don't think a Facebook status update is required for this to be known.
A few times, I've seen one circling around for moms. It goes something like "if you've traded your mascara in for burp cloths, and your heels for pacifier clips..you are a real mom."
Um, what?! That's crap. You might as well say to a pregnant lady, "Congratulations! You are about to enter a phase of your life where you will enjoy bedhead and frump every day for the next 18 years." I don't think so. So, I came up with my own status update.
You can be an awesome and real mom when you:
A few times, I've seen one circling around for moms. It goes something like "if you've traded your mascara in for burp cloths, and your heels for pacifier clips..you are a real mom."
Um, what?! That's crap. You might as well say to a pregnant lady, "Congratulations! You are about to enter a phase of your life where you will enjoy bedhead and frump every day for the next 18 years." I don't think so. So, I came up with my own status update.
You can be an awesome and real mom when you:
- Have girls nights. Because you really appreciate them.
- Wear heels to the grocery store. Because they make you feel pretty.
- Put mascara on every day. Because you know that the 30 seconds it takes to put it on does not impact you child's ability to read or become the President.
- Watch television. And by television I mean shows like Grey's Anataomy, House, Law and Order, and Glee. Not just Sesame Street, Yo Gabba Gabba, and Dora the Explorer.
- Go on dates with your significant other.
- Drink wine. Because if moms had to give up wine we'd never make it.
- Carry a designer handbag.
- Get manicures and pedicures.
- Have a career.
- Study, craft, play music, create, or do whatever it is that you did before you had kids that made you who you are.
Frump is so out, moms. Show your kids it's ok to be who you are and who you want to be in any phase of your life.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
The Things Husbands (Don't) Do
My little munchkin is home sick this week. She has her second round of Hand, Foot, and Mouth (evidently this is something that is quite common among kids these days), and can't go to school all week. So I spent yesterday at home with her, and will again today, with grandparents coming to assist the rest of the week.
Last night, as we were getting ready for dinner, my husband picked some old food out of her high chair. I apologized for not getting it earlier, and he said "don't apologize, I totally get it, I've been home alone with her before too and I know what it's like."
Following this comment, I looked around. The house was (almost) spotless. Dinner was made. The baby was cheerful. The dog was passed out. Let's just say, this is vastly different from what I come home to when Dad has been home alone with Molly all day.
I'm not writing this post to complain about my husband. He's a fantastic dad. He helps out as much as he can, and as much as he knows how to. But I often have to remind myself that his brain does not work the same way that mine does. I can simultaneously be feeding the baby, cleaning the kitchen, making dinner, and feeding the dog. My husband can focus on one of those things at a time. It does not make him a bad husband, dad, or housekeeper, it just makes him different.
I know all of my mom readers have gone through this. How many times have you said "Why can't he just help out?" "How does he not SEE the pile of toys in the middle of the floor that he just walked over?"
Give your husband a break. I guarantee he is not out to screw you over, make your life more difficult, or be a lazy bum. I have to remind myself of this a lot. Instead, when I come home to a crazy house when Dad's been home all day, I look at my daughter who spent hours playing with Dad, and sometimes, I actually get a little jealous. Can you imagine being able to just focus on ONE thing? Can you imagine not seeing the dishes, or the dirty windows, or hearing the washing machine beep? I think Dads actually have it pretty great.
Today, try to ignore everything else. Focus on your kid. Forget the dishes. Forget the laundry. Just have some fun. Be Dad for a day..I think you'll like it.
Last night, as we were getting ready for dinner, my husband picked some old food out of her high chair. I apologized for not getting it earlier, and he said "don't apologize, I totally get it, I've been home alone with her before too and I know what it's like."
Following this comment, I looked around. The house was (almost) spotless. Dinner was made. The baby was cheerful. The dog was passed out. Let's just say, this is vastly different from what I come home to when Dad has been home alone with Molly all day.
I'm not writing this post to complain about my husband. He's a fantastic dad. He helps out as much as he can, and as much as he knows how to. But I often have to remind myself that his brain does not work the same way that mine does. I can simultaneously be feeding the baby, cleaning the kitchen, making dinner, and feeding the dog. My husband can focus on one of those things at a time. It does not make him a bad husband, dad, or housekeeper, it just makes him different.
I know all of my mom readers have gone through this. How many times have you said "Why can't he just help out?" "How does he not SEE the pile of toys in the middle of the floor that he just walked over?"
Give your husband a break. I guarantee he is not out to screw you over, make your life more difficult, or be a lazy bum. I have to remind myself of this a lot. Instead, when I come home to a crazy house when Dad's been home all day, I look at my daughter who spent hours playing with Dad, and sometimes, I actually get a little jealous. Can you imagine being able to just focus on ONE thing? Can you imagine not seeing the dishes, or the dirty windows, or hearing the washing machine beep? I think Dads actually have it pretty great.
Today, try to ignore everything else. Focus on your kid. Forget the dishes. Forget the laundry. Just have some fun. Be Dad for a day..I think you'll like it.
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